Disturbing

I had a dream the other night that seemed to come right out of a Steven Speilberg horror movie. When I tell it, I'm sure that I have seen it in horror movies. But still the dream has haunted me for days. So much so that I even went online to see if Atlanta experienced an earthquake that night. No such luck.

In my dream I was asleep in my bed when it started to shake so violently that I was shaken off the bed even though I tried hard to stay on it. I had my cpap on and I was concerned about it being flung off the table. I thought that as soon as I hit the floor I'd be able to get back on my bed and go back to sleep. But whatever was shaking the bed was dragging me behind my chair over to my closet. My cpap came crashing down and the hood to the humidifier came off and the water from the well spilled into the carpet. I took the humidifier off the machine and crawled back into bed and told whatever was there to get used to it. I have no where else to go.

When I woke up, the cpap and the humidifier were back together in one piece. I know that it had to be a dream, but it still has me quite upset. I know that parasomnias are part of obstructive sleep apnea, but that doesn't detract one bit from how frightening they are when they occur.

Beginning

This is the beginning of a new blog. I'm not sure that it is one that I'm going to share. Soon it will just be Mollie and me here in Atlanta. Cheryl will still be here, but I won't see her. I'm sure that I won't hear from her unless she wants to share some kind of tragic news with me. I don't hear from Brenda. I rarely hear from Karen. I will try to keep in touch with Ken. But he will be going to Seattle in a few weeks. At least I know that he will be open to communications. Michael only communicates when he wants too. James communicates through Alexis. Mollie hides when thing are bad, but we are all that we have here in Atlanta. It's weird. We used to all be here and now nearly none of us are. I have family that will still see me. But there isn't a cohesive family anymore. I think that started falling apart when my father died. I fear that I will die alone, but I almost prefer it that way. I am peaceful where I am. I think that soon I will have to retire, but that is no longer a burden to me. It almost seems desirable.

Today was hard. I had to push Ken to make reasonable plans. He is very depressed. The sad thing is that if things had been in this state I would have never walked out on them. Cheryl is receiving a check and supporting herself. Ken is working. Doug fixed the house up to a livable abode. But I had to walk out on all of them to accomplish this. I feel so much guilt, but they should be who feels guilty. If they had done this all along, I wouldn't have had to make the decisions that I did.